Will Solicitor Gifts

"Leave me alone. I'm deciding who to leave out of my will."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

I love Lawyers

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Barristers

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"Bailiff."

"Who wrote this "Law of the Jungle" nonsense? It is highly biased in favour of predators!"

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Law School teacher.

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"