Wills Gifts

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

"He intends to die with dignity. He desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

Contest of wills.

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"I love my George. He has a will of his own, and it's made out in my favour."

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

"This oughtta be good...my lawyer is about to read my Will. I left everything to my cat Binky!"

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

"I, Arthur, being of sound mind, have spent it all on wine, women and song."

"Why do you need to know if I've made a will?"

Law Offices. Ernie's client left his fortune to his dog, and his cat is contesting the will.

"Unless you really don't like one of your children, it's best to leave your debt divided equally between them."

"Smoke, drink and womanize as much as you like but don't forget to update your will..."

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

'For those with particularly ungrateful children,the inheritance tax can be a comfort.'

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

'Your Great Uncle has left you all his money in this family heirloom!'

'And to my no good nephew Milo, who thought he was going to get all my cash - lots of luck!'

'It reads; 'Being of sound mind, I stashed the lot where those greedy, good for nothing freeloaders will ever find it'.'

"I stopped believing in free will when I had my lawyer write mine."

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about inheritance tax."

"If I could pick just one keepsake, I think it would be the mutual funds."

'... and to my yoga instructor, I leave my entire body.'