Will Executor Gifts

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

Contest of wills.

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

'My cat died this morning. This is a legal nightmare. There are nine wills.' color

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

Law Offices. Ernie's client left his fortune to his dog, and his cat is contesting the will.

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

'Your Great Uncle has left you all his money in this family heirloom!'

'And to my no good nephew Milo, who thought he was going to get all my cash - lots of luck!'

"As per your father's wishes, the reading of the will shall be preceded by a tight five-minute comedy set inspired by my dating life -- or lack thereof!"

"If I could pick just one keepsake, I think it would be the mutual funds."

'...and to his son, he has left his leprosy...'

'... and to my yoga instructor, I leave my entire body.'

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about inheritance tax."

Bureaucratic speech

'As we all know your deceased Anna Clara was a devoted cat lover...'

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

'Hold up everyone. I read that last part wrong. She wants you to divide the 'cash' equally.'

"I want to leave everything to my cat."

'I want to leave my body to the medical school, and my mind to the psychiatric hospital.'

"And to my wife who hated my bellyaching,I leave my ulcer..."

"Apparently he took it all with him."

'Here's where your father geocached your inheritance.'

'The good news is that you've inherited something from your father. The bad news is, it's his huge nose.'

'It's the Executor of my Grandfathers will - I've been cut off without a scent.'

The Controversial Will

"Leave me alone. I'm deciding who to leave out of my will."