Wild West Wanderer Gifts

"How are you fixed for oats?"

'It's an import.'

"I broncobust and I Dust-Bust. You got a problem with that?"

"If you kick her with the left spur, she'll give you more lumbar support."

'Oh man, I hate parallel parking.'

'You know...that ain't a good sign.'

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Cowboy on horse sees diretion sign for 'thataway'.

'I don't feel at home on the range any more!'

Tonto Casino.

The Lazy Triple Z Dud Ranch

'I AM a cowboy so therefore they ARE cowboy boots, OK?'

Cattle Rustlers - Closed for Stocktaking.

Cowboy directions 'Up yonder', 'Down yonder', 'This-A-Way' and 'That-A-Way'.

"The tumble weed probably set it off."

Next Stimulus 20 Miles

"Decaf. They can't be far away."

"This is it, Slim. I'm putting you on the next off-peak train outta here."

"Bad news, PETA has unionized your cattle."

"It's gonna be tough trying to fill your pa's boots, Jake."

General Custer as a kid.

"I'm getting a strong feeling that something unpleasant is going to happen."

'Does my wife miss me? Last time home, five near misses before I got out through a closed window.'

Hee-Haul

'Next time, I go in the bar to ask directions!'

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

',,,'Sidekick' not a psychic'

"So...What's your excuse for being late today?"

"Dang, why can't they target practice on somebody else?!"

"Gee Hank, you've found comedy gold."

"Careful how ya handle 'em Joe! They like to follow one another but they kin also turn nasty mighty quick!"

With an itchy trigger finger, shoot first then scratch.

The Not So Wild West

"I fear our good sheriff may be a little too fond of showing off his marshall arts."

"Listen honey, I don't claim to be no expert but I reckon you're going about this cowpuncher thing the whole wrong way."