Wild Weed Warriors Gifts

August: An all out effort will be needed to keep control now. You should not have booked your holiday this month.

City Zoo: Day Care

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

"Think you're pretty manly, eh? OK, put the gun down and let's have a fair fight."

'In school today, we learned about endangered species.'

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

"I just assumed that the whale we adopted would stay in the ocean."

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

Monkey-artist

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"Catching him was easy. Getting him through the cat door....Now that's another story."

"Go ahead if you want to: Me, I'll wait for the bears to be sated before I risk it..."

Save the unicorn.

"Touché"

'You see, we don't have any children, so he's kind of our baby.'

"Man! That squirrel was jacked!"

Climate Change

'Good grief! Aren't you extinct yet?'

'We're a protected species and an endangered speices, but when I see a person, I don't know if he's protecting us or endangering us.'

'Boy, being an endangered species is quite hard: I get weighed, tagged, filmed, recorded and studied by scientists: I have no privacy...'

'First weeds of spring.'

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

'There is nobody else. I'm afraid we've wiped out all of the other species.'

'The highest court in the land.'

'What should we do? It's an endangered animal eating an endangered plant!'

'That's right - a restraining order. You should know mother bears are very protective of their young.'

"Here's the news: the Maharajah's tiger-hunt is on Tuesday afternoon. You've been warned..."

'At least, Men point cameras at you these days: In my day, they pointed guns!'

Getting Rid of the Cure

"People don't give me bread crumbs. I take them."

"He's not on the critical list, but he's on the Endangered Species list."

"Is it just me, or is the pollen particularly bad this year?"