Whisky Gifts

"Scotch and toilet water?"

Monarch of the Glenmorangie

"It's a generic present Doctor - it isn't a brand name, but it is whisky."

'Bourbon, rocks.'

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Wine? Laddie, he'll have my attention when he can change water into Scotch!"

'Who cares about the porridge! Thank God she didn't find my single malts!'

US moonshine liquor is now ethanol.

'Give me a whisky without ice, we should all do our bit.'

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

"Is that neat whisky?"

Bernstein's got himself a driverless club

"I've invested all my resources into whisky. I mean, where else could you get 43%?"

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

"What do you mean 'You want a large Scotch'? Can't you read?"

"Take that blend away and bring me a decent malt."

"Hmm...Will I have my coffee with brandy or with whisky?"

"Gimme a shot!"

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

'Gimme all your money, or the single malt gets it!'

'What have we got to lose? She says she'll turn every toxic asset in Britain into 12 year old malt Scotch.'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

'I like your 'glass-half-full' philosophy but not when it's a pint pot using a single malt whisky!'

'That contains my late husband's ashes - in the most fitting urn I could find!'

'It's a taste I think I can say I've acquired.'

Neighbourhood Scotch Area

'Sorry the Scotch on the rocks is all rocks but I gave my Cyril the last of the Whisky!'

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

The Whisky Ring Scandal Surfaces

'And don't forget if we have a fire the Scotch is in this one.'

'The say 'Love makes the world go round'. Whisky has the same effect on me!'