Whinnying Romantic Gifts

'Ignore him Gloria, stallions only have one thing on their minds!'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

'I hear you got your increase.' - 'Yes, that proves my theory, if you whine enough, you get anything you want.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

"I want some flowers that say 'Here, have some friggin' flowers.'"

"Yes I do like intelligent women - what a stupid question!"

"Your eyes are like limpid pools. Allergies hitting you pretty bad, huh?"

"Only one Valentines card? Still could have been a lot worse!"

I called Laurel an hour ago and she hasn't called me back. Do you think she still likes me?! Ahh! Now it's an hour and one minute! Love is a beautiful thing.

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

Nature Magnified

"When you have to shovel your driveway, stupid weather... When you've paid someone to shovel your driveway, stupid weather..."

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

Whining about mask wearing

"You will grow old and wrinkled, and moan about the weather."

'Have you been tampering with the sign?'

Moan Pig.

"Sorry, my mind was wandering. Were we complaining about today's youth, the government or the weather?"

"I hope you realize that I'm the one who has to write about this stupid vacation next fall."

"I just feel hot, and I've started sweating a lot. . . can you give me something for that?"

'I don't only love you because your father left you a million pounds. I'd still love you whoever left it to you. . .'

'Mr. Humbug'

"Well, at least he died doing what he loved."

'...then I won't have to listen to you whining, will I?'

Red Whine

"I'm not social distancing. I just don't like you."

This party better be good. I even had to wash my face!

"Your looks are laughable, unphotographable. Happy valentine's day."

Clash Of The Titans

Why do you have an empty beer can hanging from the ceiling? Because it's hard to find mistletoe in April.

'Gotta go, hot date with my future ex-wife.'