Whimsical Witticist Gifts

'I don't suppose you have any grey poupon?'

The Artist

Swan Fairy Tales

Lactose Intolerant

'Are you made of sugar?'

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

Dogs and their thoughts

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

"His exercise wheel has lost all its fascination sinces he started reading Hemingway."

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

"Scuba cow"

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"I said slime."

Giant using sheep as cotton buds

Selfie Stick

"Yes, one is a dog."

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

"Hawaiian hitchhiker."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Gondolier skimming up leaves in pool.

''Raining cats and dogs' is just a phrase, Alix.'

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Fishing for Birds

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

A man rakes a tree

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"