Whimsical Historian Gifts

Playing card king in a litter

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

What's your question for Ask Sadie? What's the most humane way to get squirrels out of my garden? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time one of my ancestors had a similar question. Ironically, she was a spunky flying-squirrel-like creature who prayed to the great acorn to do something about the triceratops that kept stomping her magnolias. My advice: Go great-acorn on those squirrels!!! Did that really happen? It's family lore! I don't question it!

Noah catching butterflies

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Graeae

Adan and Eve.

'Hello, is that over-eaters anonymous?'

'Right - I'm going to sue the water company!'

Before the Domestication of Cows

Swan Fairy Tales

Lactose Intolerant

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

'Are you made of sugar?'

"You're on a what?!"

Dogs and their thoughts

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

Archimedes statue with a lever

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

"His exercise wheel has lost all its fascination sinces he started reading Hemingway."

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

Giant using sheep as cotton buds

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"I said slime."

"Yes, one is a dog."

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

"Scuba cow"

"Hawaiian hitchhiker."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."