West End Shows Gifts

'We had to donwsize.'

'Greatest Hits Compilations not yet turned into a terrible Ben Elton show.'

Mikado

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Applause

Theatre Crowd

'This is rodeo history! No one's ever stayed on the Dancing Bronco this long!'

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Succession 2

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'Sheep striptease'.

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

'Is there a fireman in the house?'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

'You see son, it's jobs like these that give us a bad name...'

"Those who can can, dance."

"This next song is called - 'I want to kill you'."

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

"I've done this show six hundred thirty-seven times. Tonight in Act Two I'm going to sing 'The Jet Song' from 'West Side Story'."

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

"This one's for me."

'BBC Antics Roadshow'.

Ventriloquism For Beginners