Wellness Wonderer Gifts

'Acupuncture, but isn't that painful?"

"Because when it actually works they just call it medicine."

'I feel FINE, but I'm worried that that might just be a symptom!'

'It's good that you're taking vitamins... but you need to stop BUTTERING them.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Well, well, well...'

"Your contents have shifted."

Be Healthy

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Unguided imagery

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

Hot Pie Therapy

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

Shrinks in heaven

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Our health-care system - eat organically.'

'What are you eating now?'