Weight Gifts

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Computer Bore

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'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"It seems as if the people taking my software class are getting younger and younger."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

I.T. Fear

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

We tried rocking her to sleep, but she still seems tired and cranky.

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

Obsession with the Internet.

Tossing computer into canyon.

'I don't like to take chances.'

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

When Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

Computer monitor for a head.

Big Data Tonight

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Now the geeks hold all the power. They're the ones who know how to forge a parent's e-signature."

Hardware and software

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."