Weight Pillows

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Computer Bore

Online form - Submit.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"It seems as if the people taking my software class are getting younger and younger."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

Obsession with the Internet.

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

I.T. Fear

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Tossing computer into canyon.

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

'I don't like to take chances.'

When Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Big Data Tonight

Computer monitor for a head.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

Hardware and software

"Now the geeks hold all the power. They're the ones who know how to forge a parent's e-signature."

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"You'll do everything...accounting, marketing, manufacturing...with no pay or benefits...and three years from now we'll trade you in for a newer, sexier model."