Weekly Worship Gifts

'No, we do not make change.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Drive-thru Church

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

How's my sermon. . .

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

A woman in prayer

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

'But why do we have to plough the fields and scatter when we get everything from Tesco?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

Church: Open Sundays

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"