Weekly Church Meetings Gifts

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

"The meeting will come to order."

"I need to see your budget proposal."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

After a day long meeting, the decision, as usual, is made in the hallway.