Weekly Worship T-Shirts

'No, we do not make change.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

Drive-thru Church

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

How's my sermon. . .

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

A woman in prayer

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'But why do we have to plough the fields and scatter when we get everything from Tesco?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

How's my Sermon . . .

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

Church: Open Sundays

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"