Wednesday Humor Gifts

'If you ask me, they're getting WAY too into the spirit of Wednesday being Hump Day.'

Zoo. It's wednesday again --- time to wash the camels. I hate "hump" day. (Published originally on July 20, 2005).

'Me keep thinking it Wednesday.'

"Mike, Mike, Mike! Guess what day it is!!!"

You realize, Harris, if you LIVED here, you'd be home by now.

"Damn! Just as my inertia was starting to build up momentum."

'I hear we're beginning to cut back to half weeks.'

I rest my case, your honor, in celebration of "Casual Defense Friday." ! !

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

'A wolf in sheep's clothing is one thing, but Grandma's clothing... Are you gay or something?!'

'They wouldn't let him graduate from obedience school - he bit the valedictorian.'

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man. He will play forward on the pro-basketball team you've just bought!'

Could I trade in this greyhound for a dachshund? My doctor says I have to slow up.

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

'To this century's most obnoxious party guest...'

Typical Monday

"The fax machine ate my homework."

'Oh yeah? Try to sleep in when your dad is a rooster!'

My new trash pickup day is midweek, on Wednesday. Hump-day dump-day!

'Was the interview too early for you?'

"I don't have the heart to tell her."

'Why, first thing on Monday mornings, do I always get someone who can't enunciate very well?'

Royal Gym. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. And the body isn't in great shape either.

"I get it- the old caffeinated-cop, decaffeinated-cop routine."

"Dear USPS - Julie Michael's mail is no longer in care of Apt. 8-B. She has moved out to Queens. Queens!! Can you believe it??? Three years I devoted to that woman! Oh, well. C'est la vie. I'll find someone else I suppose. Eventually. Yeah, right!"

Giant cat sleeps on a building

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

'No, nothing permanent. Just maybe spend a little less time together each day, that's all.'

'Marriage is sharing, Carol, so I'm happy you earn twice as much as me.'

What, you've never seen coffee with a worm in it? The Too-Early Bird.

"I made breakfast last spring."

"Orders from the top say that we all have to come in at the weekend to attend a seminar on managing a healthy 'work/life balance.'"

So busy...

"There it goes again. That dang phone's here someplace..."

"Remember, we still have to complain about these beautiful sixty degree days when it turns seventy."