Wednesday Humor Pillows

'Me keep thinking it Wednesday.'

"Mike, Mike, Mike! Guess what day it is!!!"

You realize, Harris, if you LIVED here, you'd be home by now.

"Damn! Just as my inertia was starting to build up momentum."

'I hear we're beginning to cut back to half weeks.'

'They wouldn't let him graduate from obedience school - he bit the valedictorian.'

'A wolf in sheep's clothing is one thing, but Grandma's clothing... Are you gay or something?!'

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man. He will play forward on the pro-basketball team you've just bought!'

Could I trade in this greyhound for a dachshund? My doctor says I have to slow up.

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

"The fax machine ate my homework."

Typical Monday

'To this century's most obnoxious party guest...'

'Was the interview too early for you?'

'Oh yeah? Try to sleep in when your dad is a rooster!'

'Why, first thing on Monday mornings, do I always get someone who can't enunciate very well?'

"Dear USPS - Julie Michael's mail is no longer in care of Apt. 8-B. She has moved out to Queens. Queens!! Can you believe it??? Three years I devoted to that woman! Oh, well. C'est la vie. I'll find someone else I suppose. Eventually. Yeah, right!"

Giant cat sleeps on a building

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

"I get it- the old caffeinated-cop, decaffeinated-cop routine."

'Marriage is sharing, Carol, so I'm happy you earn twice as much as me.'

'No, nothing permanent. Just maybe spend a little less time together each day, that's all.'

"There it goes again. That dang phone's here someplace..."

"Remember, we still have to complain about these beautiful sixty degree days when it turns seventy."

"This summer let's stay close to home."

"Orders from the top say that we all have to come in at the weekend to attend a seminar on managing a healthy 'work/life balance.'"

We can still be friends cafe.

'I don't like the way your eyes light up when that nurse comes in!'

'Well, Mr. Grumpy, who got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?'

So busy...