Wedding Rebel Gifts

"Come home, Margaret! It's your wedding night! I'm sure the lads will understand."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Lockdown casserole

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"I put the speed on reckless. . ."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Cake Escape

Lord Byron

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

Blues artis's daily list

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

The Bare Minimum

Heart to heart talk.

"I'm unable to process this image."

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

Hip-hop cops on stage.

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

Recipes.

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

'Are you sure the recipe calls for a whole cup of good burgundy?'