Recipe Rebel Gifts

Letter to Santa, 'Dear Santa, Some Assembly Required. Timmy'

"It's Brooklyn clam chowder - you got a problem with that?"

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"And now a recipe for disaster..."

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Food Cooked. Nerves raw.

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"This is stupid! If I separate the eggs how do they ever end up together in the cake?!!"

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Too many kooks spoil the Broth.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'By the time I'd watched Gordon Ramsay and Jamie Oliver and Antony Worral Thompson...I'd spoilt the broth.'

"I was a hopeless cook before the lockdown. . . I didn't even know how much vodka to put in the scrambled eggs."

Recipes.

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

'Recipes to die for: Pesto Parrot Pie.'

Stop him! He's got the recipe! (Bird running out of the kitchen).

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

'Are you sure the recipe calls for a whole cup of good burgundy?'

'I am cooking dinner, dear. The recipe said marinate one hour.'

Revenge Food Porn

Hiding the salt mill

"The cook book was fantastic, now do you have a good dieting book?"

The spontaneous gourmet

Industrial Chemicals: Cake Mix, Soup, Juice Drinks.

"The recipe? From shutupandeatit.com"

"I followed the recipe and this is where it led me."

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

Lockdown casserole

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."