Restaurant Rebel Gifts

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Let me see if I have it correctly, sir. To hell with the appetizer. A chopped sirloin that damn well better be rare. No goddam relish tray. Who cares which salad dressing, since they all taste like sludge?"

"You're right—they did charge you for the Heimlich maneuver."

'I never get tipped!'

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Texting or no texting?

No shirt, no shoes, no service.

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"It's a tad undercooked."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

"I gotta be me!"

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Lockdown casserole

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

"We needed to replace our kitchen floor and it kind of grew from there."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

DIY enthusiasts find a time portal behind their old wallpaper

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"I'm unable to process this image."

Pirates at the mall.

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

"See, Honey, I told you that TV would fit in this room!"

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.