Fast Food Rebel Gifts

Melvin would go to any lengths to get away from McDonald's advertising...

Garlic Free Zone.

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Valet park only"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

'Red or white wine with fish?' 'They're dead. They don't care.'

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

"You betrayed her trust. You added spices to her soup. In Tia Carmen's eyes, you are an irresponsible youngster...and I don't blame her for doing this."

'Mom, I followed your time-honored legendary family recipe for Brussels Spout Bake with one exception - I substituted a pizza for the Brussels Sprouts.'

Lunch-Hour Highlights

Punkcakes

'My mom told me to keep my hands out of the cookie jar, but nothing about my head.'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

Spaghetto

Food that is good for you and food that is good for drug companies.

"If things go well here, I'm going to open up my own firm."

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

Anarchist Cutlery: Soup Knife/ Bread Fork, Steak Spoon.

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."

"Baldo, why are you eating dessert first?"

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."

"Try to get more exercise."

"Let me see if I have it correctly, sir. To hell with the appetizer. A chopped sirloin that damn well better be rare. No goddam relish tray. Who cares which salad dressing, since they all taste like sludge?"

It's a gingerbread cyclops....I ran out of raisins!

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

"So that's a three bird roast."

More New Cereals For Kids

DNA tested and yet my contents are still a mystery.

Lance, the more I drink, the funnier you get! That's why the Fusco brothers are starting a campaign urging Americans to pour beer over their breakfast cereal instead of milk, as they read the comics.

'Don't bother to leave a tip, I had one of your fish fingers.'