Romantic Rebel Gifts

'But tonight is going to be romantic. We'll drink a bottle of wine while I work on my bike.'

'I can't find a guy who's a perfect ten. So, I've decided to go with two fives.'

"Gee, I'd be lost without your constant peer pressure."

'Darling, if no one likes to see us together then that's THEIR problem!'

'Oh, how sweet! You're illegally downloading our song!'

Dead cupid

'I got a whole side of beef for the price of one fancy restaurant meal.'

'Are you sure you don't want to marry me just because I'm a woman?'

'...and despite DNA predictions of incompatibility...'

'...and despite DNA predictions of incompatibility...'

'Do you have 'Fifty Shades of Grey' in large print?'

The trouble was she never knew where to draw the line

'Don't you know it's rude to show your concealed weapon on the first date?'

'Not so fast. I hate kissing in public. Why don't we just hug instead?' And things would only get worse from there.

'Yes I was pleased to see you, and yes it was a gun in my pocket.'

'Armed robbers are sexy and exciting, but kleptomaniacs make the best providers.'

"They're love poems alright, but he cuts up the lines, throws them in the air and reassembles them randomly..."

"I remember the day we met, me in wig and gown looking down at you, so lovely, standing in the dock."

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

Area 51 Shaed of Gray - No Trespassing

Kissing The Bride

Cake Escape

"She's always had a thing for bad boys."

"I've had many men in this town darling, but many men have not had me."

Litterbug?

Two years ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident Octogenarian asked reader for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, I suggest having a steamy, torrid love affair that other people will disapprove of. Nothing can make you feel more alive than that. I know. Kathryn from Ontario. Freak! The fact that you apparently went half your life without having done that disgusts me. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Just merged. Ah, yuppies in love.

Do you have any hand lotion? I've got a case of hives. More unprotected kissing? This always happens when I get around a long-term relationship. You mean in a relationship. Rudy's in a relationship, not you. It's closing in on me! Now that, ladies and germs, is commitment phobia.

Our book is right. Modern American romance is too cautious and boring. We are afraid to follow our bliss. At his press conference he apologized to his wife, children and staff. Except for our politicians.

"I think it's time Mario stopped delivering the kiss of death."

"Awww! How long have you been married?"

'I met my hubby in Spain...too bad I was with my toy boy.'

2Oh, it's okay if you're into neo-romanticist art. Personally, I prefer the soaring perspectives of David Hockney or the controlled frenzy of Gerhard Richter."

Heart to heart talk.

'Armed robbers are sexy and exciting, but kleptomaniacs make the best providers.'