Wedding Planner Jokester Gifts

"For better or for worse, from pre-nuptial contract to no-fault divorce..."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

'You wanted a tractor intead of a wedding car, and our dogs as bridesmaids... so why shouldn't I have one of my cows as best man?'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

Australian wedding, sheep gesturing, 'If there's anybody here who knows why these two should not be wed...'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

Wedding cake figures having marital problems.

'Some Honeymoon!'

'The response is 'I do.' Not 'Whatever she says.''

"If anyone thinks the bride could do better, speak now or..."

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

"What are you doing in the box? You're meant to be in the dog house"

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

"Has anybody seen the groom?"

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

"I now pronounce you guilty."

"Look—let's just get past today, O.K.?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife. You may assume the position.'

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

'I now pronounce you husband and wife. Let the nagging begin.'

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

'My pre-nuptial agreement reads, she's too good for me, but will marry me anyway!'