Wedding Planner Humorist Gifts

"If anyone thinks the bride could do better, speak now or..."

"Why couldn't someone else give your mother a ride home?"

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

'Marriage licenses are $10. and up. Do remember that you get what you pay for.'

'...and do you, Rachael, take Josh, in sickness and health, seriousness and jest...'

"This is why we have rehearsal dinners. The correct response is 'I do,' not, 'I'm in love with someone else, Jessica'."

Boy giving mistletoe to friend

"Has anybody seen the groom?"

At first she thought it would be fun to write their own wedding vows.

'I'm beginning to think you've got a mean streak, Stan...'

Royal wedding tickets - Buy one get one free.

'Please Jenny, don't catch that!'

"If anyone objects to this 'cut price' wedding, let him speak now or call at weekend cheap rate."

I see they're going for the traditional festivities.

'There is always the chance that you won't be invited.'

'-and then after your fifth we let you keep it!'

'-and the ceremony,your place or mine?'

'Daddy! For the last time, this is my wedding, not a 'spin-off'!'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'I'm practicing carrying you over the threshold for our honeymoon night.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'He does.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

'You wanted a tractor intead of a wedding car, and our dogs as bridesmaids... so why shouldn't I have one of my cows as best man?'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'