Wedding Goer Gifts

"It says in lieu of gifts, we should not show up."

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Early Piety

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

'I always cry at weddings!'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"I am so attracted to you right now."

"Be sure to check out the rides. They're free, too, with the purchase of tickets."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

All dressed up and no place to go

Wedding disaster #27.

Priest

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

Masquerade

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'The correct response, Tanya, is 'I do' not 'yeah, whatever'.'

Wedding bouquet spring loaded shoes.