Web Symptom Sleuths Gifts

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"Careful! He knows computers."

Cyb-R Safe: Offering the most convincing illusion of on-line security available today!

"So who is this First pet?"

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

"We've updated our privacy policy...it's so private we can't even tell you."

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"I've entered your PIN for you. "

Computer Crimes

Tiger discovers the online wildlife trade.

'He knows where the viruses are buried.'

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"Remember when, on the Internet, nobody knew who you were?"

"Our system's been cracked. How is that even possible?"

'Hey, somebody's been accessing MY email too!'

"Don't mind me, folks, I'm just here for regular system maintenance."

"I'm just sitting here collecting vast amounts of metadata. And what are you up to?...Oh, I already know."

"Your call may be monitored by the CIA, NSA, Russians, Chinese, space aliens..."

"With all the cybercrimes corporate had to bring in a new guy, Supergeek."

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"Ed always wears a poker face. His specialty is password encryption at the NSA."

CIA Recommended TVs

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

Don't look know, but I think you're being Googled.

'Computer crime seems to be on the rise.'

"I've memorized so many passwords, things are starting to get weird."

I'd rather be phishing.

"Remember when they used to call it the 'private sector?'"