Internet Symptom Sleuth Gifts

'I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead but I came in for a second opinion.'

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"Careful! He knows computers."

Cyb-R Safe: Offering the most convincing illusion of on-line security available today!

"So who is this First pet?"

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

"We've updated our privacy policy...it's so private we can't even tell you."

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"I've entered your PIN for you. "

Computer Crimes

Tiger discovers the online wildlife trade.

'He knows where the viruses are buried.'

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"Remember when, on the Internet, nobody knew who you were?"

"Our system's been cracked. How is that even possible?"

'Gimme all your cache!'

'Hey, somebody's been accessing MY email too!'

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

"Don't mind me, folks, I'm just here for regular system maintenance."

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"I'm just sitting here collecting vast amounts of metadata. And what are you up to?...Oh, I already know."

"Your call may be monitored by the CIA, NSA, Russians, Chinese, space aliens..."

"Remember when they used to call it the 'private sector?'"

"Ed always wears a poker face. His specialty is password encryption at the NSA."

CIA Recommended TVs

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

'Computer crime seems to be on the rise.'

"I've memorized so many passwords, things are starting to get weird."

I'd rather be phishing.