Internet Sleuths Gifts

'Are you telling me my symptoms don't match my internet diagnosis?'

"What I lack in formal education I make up for in dexterity using search engines."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

Alternative Medicine

"Careful! He knows computers."

"So who is this First pet?"

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

Cyb-R Safe: Offering the most convincing illusion of on-line security available today!

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

The new Physics

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

'What an execrable day. I got drenched in a Wiki leak and buried in a document dump.'

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

"We've updated our privacy policy...it's so private we can't even tell you."

Computer Crimes

"I've entered your PIN for you. "

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'He knows where the viruses are buried.'

Tiger discovers the online wildlife trade.

"I only told a few friends."

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

"Remember when, on the Internet, nobody knew who you were?"

"Our system's been cracked. How is that even possible?"

'Gimme all your cache!'

'Hey, somebody's been accessing MY email too!'

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

"Your call may be monitored by the CIA, NSA, Russians, Chinese, space aliens..."

"I'm just sitting here collecting vast amounts of metadata. And what are you up to?...Oh, I already know."

"Don't mind me, folks, I'm just here for regular system maintenance."

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."