Web Symptom Sleuths Pillows

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"Careful! He knows computers."

Cyb-R Safe: Offering the most convincing illusion of on-line security available today!

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"So who is this First pet?"

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

"We've updated our privacy policy...it's so private we can't even tell you."

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

Computer Crimes

"I've entered your PIN for you. "

'He knows where the viruses are buried.'

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

Tiger discovers the online wildlife trade.

"Remember when, on the Internet, nobody knew who you were?"

"Our system's been cracked. How is that even possible?"

'Hey, somebody's been accessing MY email too!'

"I'm just sitting here collecting vast amounts of metadata. And what are you up to?...Oh, I already know."

"Don't mind me, folks, I'm just here for regular system maintenance."

"Your call may be monitored by the CIA, NSA, Russians, Chinese, space aliens..."

"Ed always wears a poker face. His specialty is password encryption at the NSA."

"Remember when they used to call it the 'private sector?'"

Don't look know, but I think you're being Googled.

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

"I've memorized so many passwords, things are starting to get weird."

CIA Recommended TVs

"With all the cybercrimes corporate had to bring in a new guy, Supergeek."

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

'Computer crime seems to be on the rise.'

I'd rather be phishing.

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

Data security officers run frantically out of reactive data security room, while another data officer relaxes in the predictive data security room.