Web Sleuth Pillows

'I'm very impressed with your web research, this self-diagnosis would be 100 accurate...if you were a patagonian fruit bat.'

'I'm shopping on the net.'

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

Alternative Medicine

"Careful! He knows computers."

"So who is this First pet?"

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

Cyb-R Safe: Offering the most convincing illusion of on-line security available today!

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

Clickbait

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

The new Physics

'What an execrable day. I got drenched in a Wiki leak and buried in a document dump.'

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

"We've updated our privacy policy...it's so private we can't even tell you."

"I've entered your PIN for you. "

Computer Crimes

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'He knows where the viruses are buried.'

Tiger discovers the online wildlife trade.

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"Remember when, on the Internet, nobody knew who you were?"

"Our system's been cracked. How is that even possible?"

'Gimme all your cache!'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

'Hey, somebody's been accessing MY email too!'

"Don't mind me, folks, I'm just here for regular system maintenance."

"I'm just sitting here collecting vast amounts of metadata. And what are you up to?...Oh, I already know."

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"Your call may be monitored by the CIA, NSA, Russians, Chinese, space aliens..."