Web Host Gifts

'Someday we can be the Wink Martindale of web hosts.'

Tartine

Come dine with me!

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'A cheeky red?'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'Do you have any catsup?'

Fast food. Even faster food

Dinner at the Trapdoors

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"You owe me five bucks."

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."