Waterfront Properties Gifts

Damp? Only when the tide is very, very high.

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"This blood knot ought to be re-named the blood, sweat and tears knot."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

'...and this is the water garden...'

An exaggeration of estate agents

Mouse real estate!

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"Today's numbers. . . seashells up one, lobsters up three, claims down one, mussels up one . . ."

'It started out as a little tree house for the kids and we kept adding on to it.'

Brothers of the Angle: Fishermen think of themselves as one big family.

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

"This spectacular 40 room property has majestic views of the valley and village and it was tastefully renovated after the most recent Viking incursion."

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

UP Again: Housing Prices.

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

For Sale By Owner

"Like I told you Gladys: location, location, location."

"Admittedly, it is a bit of a 'fixer upper'."

'Yes, there is a bidding war - but I'm almost certain you aren't allowed to take prisoners.'

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

"It's in move-in condition."

"It has tremendous possibilities."