Water Critic Gifts

Bottled Water

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Technically, it's a mammal."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Don Quixote

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

"Quick swig first?"

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Pick me! 2002 was a very good year! No! Me! I'm excellent with beef and fish. Desperate House Wines.

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

Red Wine

Wine tasting

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

I never heard of chunky style wine. I couldn't find any seedless grapes.

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

Using public relations to change perspective about the oil spill in the Gulf...

"...an excellent fighting lager with just a hint of park bench."

'Could I just get one that's wine flavored?'

"We wish we could drink the water."

"Wine is plant-based food."

"You have sewage between your teeth."

"I can remember when water was just wet."

'Okay, you've got a mouthful of minerals, grapefruit, herbs and grass. Is it starting to taste like a sauvignon blanc?'

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

UK sewage dumps

"Yo! You check the pH lately? I have sensitive eyes, ya know."

'Really, Bob, the Wine Fairy?'

"The fifth wine has bright apple and pear notes, with just the barest hint of a blinding headache."