Streaming Critic Gifts

'It's always repeats on the BBC!'

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Live Stream

Can't Touch This

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

Christmas TV...

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"I adore kids, but I also adore Netflix."

Can't Touch This

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

"This computer program is very intuitive. It automatically calls me when you do something stupid."

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

A TV tank

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'

Silly News.

"We can watch anything you want, as long as I don't have to keep my eyes open."

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''