Watching Cooking Shows Pillows

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"And now a recipe for disaster..."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"...and here's some I made earlier..."

"I'm afraid we only watch the cookery programmes."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Mary Berry

"Your dinner's being demonstrated on the cookery programme in ten minutes."

"It didn't look like this on Masterchef!"

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

Keith Floyd.

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

It's a Gordon Ramsay recipe, so if you don't ****** like it you can ******* off.

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

My Cauldron Rules

Here's one I made earlier.

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

'Ready, steady, Operate'

Chefs

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

"I'd rather be seared by Emeril than sauteed by Rachel."

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

"The recipe says, that the whipped cream has to be piped onto the sponge."

"I should have never let you watch those cooking shows on TV!"

'Amazing - No sooner do we invent cooking than we get the first celebrity chef.'