Tv Cooking Show Enthusiast Pillows

"It's just toast, I'm afraid..."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Keith Floyd.

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

Here's one I made earlier.

Mary Berry

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

My Cauldron Rules

"When did they add this channel?!"

"The recipe says, that the whipped cream has to be piped onto the sponge."

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'Ready, steady, Operate'

"I should have never let you watch those cooking shows on TV!"

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

Chefs

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

"...and here's some I made earlier..."

"He's been watching all those cookery programmes."

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

"Curl your fingers to avoid cuts when slicing or chopping...I learned that trick on a TV cooking show!"

Le Bolshie Chef.