Tv Cooking Show Fan Pillows

'Early celebrity chefs.'

Woman watching cookery show as she waits for her microwave meal to cook.

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

"When did they add this channel?!"

My Cauldron Rules

Here's one I made earlier.

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

"The recipe says, that the whipped cream has to be piped onto the sponge."

'Ready, steady, Operate'

"Say hello to my little friend!"

Chefs

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"I should have never let you watch those cooking shows on TV!"

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

"Curl your fingers to avoid cuts when slicing or chopping...I learned that trick on a TV cooking show!"

"He's been watching all those cookery programmes."

"...and here's some I made earlier..."

'Celebrity chef' 'Celery chef'

"Well, I just assumed you wanted your toast like your coffee."