Cooking Shows Pillows

'The weight gain began when we locked out all the sex and violence on TV...that only left the cooking shows.'

"I got a dish, but it only picks up the Food Channel."

"Look out it's the naked Chef!"

'I must be some kind of cooking pervert. I only like to watch someone else do it.'

"He's been watching all those cookery programmes."

'Be a dear and nip to the chippy will you, love?'

'Ready, steady, Operate'

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

'She discovered Gordon Ramsay.'

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

Here's one I made earlier.

"Charles please! Not a slice and dice movie."

My Cauldron Rules

"When did they add this channel?!"

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

Chefs

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

"I should have never let you watch those cooking shows on TV!"

"The recipe says, that the whipped cream has to be piped onto the sponge."

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

Chicken and noodles.

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

"Curl your fingers to avoid cuts when slicing or chopping...I learned that trick on a TV cooking show!"

"...and here's some I made earlier..."

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'