Cooking Show Host Pillows

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

"And now a recipe for disaster..."

"...and our show 'Cooking with fresh ingredients' has been moved to next week."

My Cauldron Rules

Cooking With the Zombies.

'Amazing - No sooner do we invent cooking than we get the first celebrity chef.'

'I'll just dumb this down for ten minutes...'

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

Dicing with death.

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

'Always remember to wash your hands after handling raw poultry. I'm not sure how that's worse than drinking from the toilet, but my producers made me say it.'

Here's one I made earlier.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

The Emeril Isle

Guy Fieri

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

"Charles please! Not a slice and dice movie."

"When did they add this channel?!"

Chefs