Cooking Show Critic Pillows

"Iron Chef, my ass!"

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

'We've nothing but beans on toast, the chef's too busy writing books and making TV shows to cook.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

"'Market Price' isn't about the food. It's what we think we can charge YOU."

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

My Cauldron Rules

Here's one I made earlier.

'Henri! We found your sweatband!'

"When did they add this channel?!"

Taste of the east (London).

"Charles please! Not a slice and dice movie."

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

'Ready, steady, Operate'

Chefs

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"I should have known he has absolutely no morals - I've seen how he loads a dishwasher."

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

"Oh no, not dinner again!"

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

'Meat cooked? Yes, but the carrots are hard.'

'One thing about your salads, I learn a lot about insects. You forgot to wash the lettuce again!'

'Hey, I enjoyed that meal. Did you get the caterers in, or something?'

"Guilty! The broth was awful!"

'Celebrity chef' 'Celery chef'

"Apart from writing your new cookery book what else have you been up to?"