Chef's Critic Pillows

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

6 Brothers Falafel

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

View to the Future

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Rump roast?"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'