Watching Ads Pillows

"Who is the fairest of them all? Well, Madame, the answer comes right after this commercial break! Stay tuned!!"

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Tree house.

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

'Och lye the news'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

As Seen Watching TV

F1 - Quit Smoking.

It's a Dog's life

"Then we agree. 10 minutes of your news, then 10 minutes of mine."

This Space Available.

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

And here is the day's news that we are going shove down your throat.

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

'According to the latest reports, there were no earlier reports.'

"So much for finding intelligent life on this planet."

'The opinions expressed by Burt are not necessarily those of Ernie.'

"Satan's on the line, sir. He says the soul you sent doesn't look like the one in the ad."

'The sword in the stone was just a warm-up - now you must remove this remote control ...'

"The Closer, Cleaner, Smoother Reaper."

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

Sailor notices a sea mine in his foot bath.

Eat More Salted Nuts

Man ignores a football kicked through the window because his attention is on the TV.

"Dad, I was thinking...can I get a tattoo...right here!"