Tv Ad Enthusiast Pillows

'There's nothing wrong with me. I just want to ask the doctor if any of these drugs I saw on TV are right for me.'

'Puffy, red, tired eyes? Heavy eyelids? Getting heavier? Heavier. Completely relaxed now. On the count of 10, you will awaken fresh, invigorated and ready to support our following sponsors…'

SOFA SALE: 'I could have been a contender, Tiddles.'

'When you caught yourself saying the repetitive never-ending TV commercials and couldn't stop doing it, you should have come to see me then!'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Create some buzz!

Creative department

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Important Food Groups

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

News for Sale

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

Advertising on the internet.

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Eat Beef

Honesty in retail

Gerald Ratner's return

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Gullib-Os

Advertising and PR Agency: 'I'm able to spin at 60 words per minute, hype at 50 words and distort at 45 words.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

"Here's the marketing department's solution."

'With 5% spent on talent, 5% on production, and 90% on marketing...I smell WINNER!'