Wannabe Macgyver Pillows

'Put it back and go and collect some proper firewood!'

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

"He built his own airplane from a kit."

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

As Seen On TV

'I'll be talking gibberish to you in a moment. There's a big tip in it for you, if you pretend I'm speaking French.'

'Nothing like the workplace to inspire creativity.'

House building chart (like steps).

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

'I love you, Mom, but I'm going to live with the Obamas now and be the first son.'

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

A young boy shaving

"So a plumber charges $600 for 45 minutes' work?! Is that the coolest job or what?!"

"I failed insemination!"

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

TO BOLDLY GO where everyone else went (not all that long ago...)

After the cutbacks at flight simulator school. . .

"I've got a part in a soap."

"I can try all I want, but there's no way I look smooth on this bike!"

'Sure he's got a smart phone, but he doesn't know how to use it. He's a geek poser.'

"I can grant you three fishes."