Wannabe Politician Pillows

'I love you, Mom, but I'm going to live with the Obamas now and be the first son.'

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

Zorro as a child.

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

"It was Socrates, wasn't it, who said, 'The unexamined life is not worth living'?"

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

As Seen On TV

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

'He said his first buzz word today!'

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

'I'll be talking gibberish to you in a moment. There's a big tip in it for you, if you pretend I'm speaking French.'

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

Your Palm

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

A young boy shaving

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

Trying to thumb his nose at authority, Lumpy stuck his thumb in his eye! Man covering eye with his hand.

The Island

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."

Bob tried living off the land. But the land soon got tired of Bob not pulling his weight, and kicked him out.

"From now on let's do our drawings inside the cave."

"I've got a part in a soap."

"I can try all I want, but there's no way I look smooth on this bike!"

"I can grant you three fishes."

"Sure raising my allowance is great, daddy, but what I want is power of attorney!"

"Larry fancies himself as a Trump-ologist."

"Face it, Earl, ee're dogfoodboys."