Wannabe Einstein Gifts

"The figures would seem to indicate that you're not really a scientist."

Zorro as a child.

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

As Seen On TV

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

Your Palm

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

Bear watching a man trying to fish bear style.

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

"I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

Before and After Tattoos.

'Confessing your sins in a folk ballad was an interesting idea, Larry, but I'm afraid your singing has forced me to add one more sin to your list!'

A young boy shaving

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

'I love you, Mom, but I'm going to live with the Obamas now and be the first son.'

In-law country

Joel's mum was very strict. . . No homework, no air guitar.

'Jon likes to think he's 'rock 'n' roll'.'

The Island

"Well, if we're playing tackle football I'll be the coach!"

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

'I'm not getting any hits!' 'Bloggers can't be choosers.'

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

"I've got a part in a soap."

Home Station. Ernie thought he was going to be a big movie star. What that didn't happen, he got a job here at the household goods store. How his favorite event of the year is this springtime parking lot sale where all of the warm weather items are brought out. There are variable-speed models, ones that are energy efficient. He gets to put on his sunglasses and and say ... As you can see, I have a huge number of fans!

The Singing Bass. I didn