Wannabe Einstein Gifts

"The figures would seem to indicate that you're not really a scientist."

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

As Seen On TV

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

Your Palm

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

Bear watching a man trying to fish bear style.

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

"I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

Before and After Tattoos.

'I love you, Mom, but I'm going to live with the Obamas now and be the first son.'

A young boy shaving

Joel's mum was very strict. . . No homework, no air guitar.

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

In-law country

'Jon likes to think he's 'rock 'n' roll'.'

The Island

"Well, if we're playing tackle football I'll be the coach!"

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

'I'm not getting any hits!' 'Bloggers can't be choosers.'

"I've got a part in a soap."