Wallet Defender Gifts

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

Maybe clean out your wallet

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

Rising Gas Prices

"And they say it's the safest 500-P/E stock out there."

"So I misplaced a couple hundred Bitcoin. Maybe the dog ate the wallet. I din't know. S**t happens!"

Poor & Elderly Carry The Load Of The Iraq War.

'As long as the gov't has a printing press, all deposits federally insured.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

"Rest assured we invest your money as if it were our own. Can I borrow 50 bucks?"

C.E.O.s deserve respect.

I just realized how vulnerable I am to people who could hack my phone, my self-driving car, my tv, my garage door opener … So I bought a device called "Trojan Horse: that's supposed to protect me from all that. It connects to my wifi router. It monitors all my web traffic, all my connected devices, and ... well, I'm not exactly sure what it does, but it's supposed to keep the hackers out somehow. What did you say the device is called again? Now I don't worry about anyone hacking my toaster.

"I have a right to disagree! You can't force me to use logic."

'Nest egg for retirement ... and inflation!'

'Next on the five O'clock news, a consumer report on how to protect what's in your wallet.'

Thanks for the tip. Come again!

We'll pass on the entrees...

Menifee Madness

"I can destroy your bank of knowledge with one blast from my destructo-beam!"

"What about this book, boss?" "Yeah, get rid of it—it's got too many long words in it."

"Clean your wallet, sir?"

Today's Topic: "The value of money" You know what they say, Frank, "money talks." Whenever my money starts to talk, I get a bill to shut it up.

"Good dog!"

'What do you mean, you don't like the look of him - What has he ever done to you?'

"Dog house"

Library Closures.

"Your honor...the only reason my clinet committed these crimes was to support his wife and five kiids."

"Yes, Gary, I'm sure the school hasn't banned your math textbook. Now, go back to class."

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

"I'd have gotten you a nicer card if you'd had more money in your wallet."

IRS...Please, let's not quibble over a few dollars!

"An impressive resume, General, but remember - department-store security is different from national security."

'You know what? I agree with my son's opinion of you.'