Wall Street Worshiper Gifts

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Drive-thru Church

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

'You go without me. I'm feeling a little down today.'

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

...Shares can go up as well as down.

"Of course we're not in a recession. No one has even jumped out of a window."

'I like it. It's bigger than life.'

If only we could sell shares in doom and gloom.

A stripe of stockbrokers

Tonight's Topic. How To Make a Killing In The Stock Market. I made a killing in the market once, but the only casualty was my investment.

Sale - All Junk Bonds 50% Off.

The Bullish World

'You know, they call me 'Stinkin' rich' because I even have an employee who takes a shower for me every morning!'

'Son, someday you're going to be short all of this.'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

Bull Riding on the Stock Market

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

'Psst. . . tell me about your 'obscene dividend' fund.'

'I seem to have lost my reason for buying stocks.'

What goes up...

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

'And Fenwick, those pesky third quarter stats? Don't tweak 'em �' torque 'em!'

Investments: Buy local! Our 'Value' funds are all New York values.