Money Worshiper Gifts

'They're very advanced. They pray to a god called 'Dow Jones.''

Church for sports worshipers.

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Drive-thru Church

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

'Don't you ever knock?'

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

'I guess you're not from around here. In this region of the country football is in the religion section.'

'I like it. It's bigger than life.'

'You know, they call me 'Stinkin' rich' because I even have an employee who takes a shower for me every morning!'

"Of course there's emotion in business. Has your heart never skipped a beat at the sight of a long string of zeros after a seven."

Professional football.

"More important than money?! There's only one thing more important than money and that's more money!"

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

TV and man

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Restaurant scene; diners are shown kneeling in reverence at their tables.

'Money DOES make me happy.'

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

'No, we can never actually see the big cartoonist, but he's everywhere.'

The Worship of Money

"Every year it's harder and harder to get their attention."

'In life I was scorned for worshipping the Almighty Dollar.'

'It's been a mad house ever since the image of Elvis was seen on the wall after I primed it.'

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'Gives me a lift.'

Cash being poured onto an executive's desk.

Church Parking

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'